When you love madly fear appears, even panic, by the thought of not having the dose of oxytocin that the other person brings. Loving like crazy has an expiration date.
Loving another being without loving yourself leads to exhaustion because it’s filling a bottomless well. You have to work on that pit regardless of its depth, and perspire until there is enough water to keep you afloat, alone. Loving yourself is necessary in order to love someone else.
Loving by anchoring is not healthy because it’s forced and alters the path of what could had been. It is for this reason that we can’t deny the past. Instead, we need to focus in the present and flow with the new reality. Sometimes this new reality puts things back where they were. When it comes to love you can’t force.
Anchors can take the form of imposed children or financial comfort. When someone tries to anchor a person to a newborn, the parent may allow to be anchored for a while in the hope of transmitting tranquility to the child. Anyone who is anchored by economic comfort, when sunset arrives, will hear coming from their lips: “this is not the life I was supposed to live.”
Unconditional love can be summed up in: to live is to love and to love is to live. You have to suffer a little bit to understand the power of transformative love which expects nothing in return, that is: to hope that the person you love will live happily in total freedom. Sharing a life with someone maintaining this premise is an inexhaustible source of energy, even when it doesn’t match the idea of sharing a physical, social or family life. Unconditional love goes beyond that.
Unconditional love does not arise from cutting wings but from a spiritual connection. On the contrary, a love that anchores will evolve in a simplistic earthy love, because an anchor is earthly. The children will grow and will leave the nest taking with them the glue that held the relationship. Money comes and goes.
Unconditional love cannot exist without self-love. Sometimes, however, it’s unconditional love which forces us to do our own homework and accept who we are before we can accept others.
Wherever there is unconditional love there is no thirst, tension, fear or anxiety. The energy that such love generates can make us understand that we are just passing by and, in this passing, we can help others to reach their full potential. This love has no end and challenges the spatial and temporal dimension that we were given at birth. Whoever experiences such love will say when twilight comes: “I’ve lived the life I was supposed to live.”
© 2009 Gema Álava